Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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