I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
