I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
