I want to have your abortion
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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