life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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