oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
