sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
