there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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