Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize