I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
