I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
