are you still at the devil's house?
I'm really into asian looking animals
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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