how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
