Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize