He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
