I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
