i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
