Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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