i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
