Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
