If i come over, it means nothing
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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