You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
