1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
