Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
