party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
