is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
