I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
