i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
