She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
