So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He called his prostate his "boner button".
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
