wat bout pragnant strippers??
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
