I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
