I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
