So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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