you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
