The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
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