They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
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