talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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