so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
