For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
