38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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