this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He shit in the fireplace
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
