im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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