I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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