I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
