So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
