Sponge bath it is.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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