Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
