oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
