I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
