margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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