Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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