I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
