The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
