I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
