I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
