Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
