Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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