New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
