dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
