he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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