how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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