Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
