Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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