As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
