No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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