So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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