Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
