I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
