we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We don't watch enough power rangers
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
