You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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