he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I could fuck to npr.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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