we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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