I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
